Sunday, October 2, 2022

In Brazen Act Of Aggression, Iran Deploys Its Country Right Next To Our Aircraft Carrier

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from The Babylon Bee:

PERSIAN GULF—In what’s being called a dangerous act of aggression, the country of Iran has deployed its country right next to the USS Abraham Lincoln Carrier Strike Group, which was just minding its own business in the Persian Gulf.

“It is clear that Iran wants war,” said National Security Advisor John Bolton. “Our carrier strike group was just off on a pleasure cruise on the other side of the world, and Iran insisted on placing its country right next to it.”

Florida Recount Finally Wraps Up, Al Gore Declared President

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from The Babylon Bee:

FLORIDA—As Florida finally wrapped up its contentious recount of the votes tallied in the recent midterm elections, a winner was finally declared: Al Gore is now the president of the United States.

The recount process at long last found the “missing votes” that would have handed Gore the presidency back in 2000, making him the official president of the country.

Septic Trucks Arrive In Washington To Begin Refilling The Swamp

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from The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Mulitple sources are reporting that Biden-Harris septic trucks are beginning to arrive in Washington to refill the swamp.

Driven by executives from Wall Street, the military-industrial complex, and China, the trucks pulled in and immediately started filling the swamps that were devastated by the Trump administration’s policies. They are a key part of Joe Biden’s transition team, as he’s vowed to begin refilling the swamps on day one of his presidency.

Portland Police: ‘We Wish There Were Some Kind Of Organized, Armed Force That Could Fight Back Against Antifa’

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from The Babylon Bee:

PORTLAND, OR—In a press release earlier this week, Portland police chief Danielle Outlaw (her actual name), appearing somber and exhausted, said she just wishes there were some kind of group with the firepower and authority to fight back against Antifa.

In a candid moment, Outlaw (seriously, her actual name) said there was just nothing the police could do, as they’d need to have some kind of organized, armed force specifically created to protect and serve the people.

The Results Are In 😆

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from Mark Dice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqK7eTY2xnQ

Liberals Are Scared of Chicken Sandwiches

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from Mark Dice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxu85EUXkLo

Russia Is Trolling the Sh*t out of Hillary Clinton and the Mainstream Media

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from The Anti Media:
Moscow — Russia’s state-funded news network, RT, is apparently now sponsoring ads in a Moscow airport targeting Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party. Images of the signs, posted on Reddit over the weekend, come as the mainstream media continues to push the notion that Russia intervened in the 2016 election on behalf of Donald Trump.

“Missed a plane? Lost an election? Blame it on us!” says one of the ads, alluding to the fact that in terms of seats in Washington, D.C., the Democrat Party was decimated in 2016.

CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car

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from The Babylon Bee:

ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car.

“This guidance is especially important if you’re in a large group of people at the park or an outdoor event,” said Dr. Stiku Pumybum. “Risk of collisions leading to bone breaks or concussions dramatically increase in large groups of people. Billions could die!”

They’re Lovely

from Mark Dice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDtLi5N51_w