from Mark Dice:
Bad Luck: Pope Francis Had Just Transferred All Records On Sex Abuse Scandal To Notre Dame For Safekeeping
from The Babylon Bee:
PARIS—Well, seems there was a bit of bad luck in the Notre Dame fire last week. While most of the relics, artwork, and idols were saved, one thing didn’t survive: all the Catholic Church’s meticulous records on its ongoing sex abuse scandals.
Pope Francis had reportedly just transferred the files to Notre Dame for safekeeping just days before the fire broke out.
from The Babylon Bee:
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Tech giant Google announced today that they are removing the entire state of Georgia from their Google Maps platform, effective immediately. This comes in response to the state’s recent voter law that many are calling racist.
“We cannot allow these racist laws to stand,” said a spokesman from the Google Office of Diversity, Inclusion, Anti-Racism, Climate Change, Immigration Reform, and LGBTQ Affairs. “That’s why we must act quickly to get states like Georgia off the map, both literally and figuratively.”
by Hank Berrien, Daily Wire:
Former President Barack Obama, never missing a chance to posture himself as a champion of freedom, will reputedly call for rejecting “the rising strain of authoritarian politics and policies,” according to his communications director.
Obama, whose administration was embroiled in various scandals, is scheduled to accept an award for ethics in government at the University of Illinois on September 7. That award flies in the face of this list of events during the Obama Administration: the Fast and Furious scandal; the IRS targeting conservative groups; Obama making light of ISIS, calling it the “JV team”; protecting the terrorist group Hezbollah by stalling project Cassandra; spying on Fox News’ James Rosen, and lying to the American people in order to sell the disastrous Iran nuclear deal, among other nefarious occurrences.
from Babylon Bee:
HOLLYWOOD, CA—According to sources at the 91st annual Academy Awards ceremony this evening, the nation’s wealthy, privileged elite gathered to lecture the nation on the horrendous evils of wealth and privilege.
The wealthiest 0.00001% of the nation arrived at the exclusive, walled-off, high-security event in limos and luxury cars driven by servants in order to spend a few hours telling the nation’s poor and middle-class citizens how they need to throw off the yoke of oppression put on them by the wealthy elite.
4Chan Declares War On CNN, The ‘Media Mafia’ After They Blackmail & Threaten Reddit User For WWE GIF Of Trump Body-Slamming CNN Logo
by Susan Duclos, All News Pipeline:
Brief recap: In June CNN was forced to change headlines and a story that was completely false, then forced to retract another fake news article, delete all links to it and apologize while forcing three employees to resign over it, on top of project Veritas capturing CNN employees admitting the whole Russia narrative they have been pumping for the past six months was “bullsh*t” and a “nothingburger.”
Could it get any worse for CNN? Glad you asked, it just did.
After months of attacking President Trump, his family and his supporters, the president struck back with an amusing GIF where footage from WrestleMania 23 in 2007 where Trump went up against WWE CEO Vince McMahon during a “Battle of the Billionaires” match, has been retouched to show the President body-slamming a figure with the letters “CNN” superimposed over the person’s head.
With the typical snowflake, social justice warrior mentality, CNN and the rest of the establishment media went into full victimhood mode, claiming the GIF of Trump body-slamming a logo, was somehow an incitement to violence against all media.
from The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In honor of the impeachment hearings beginning this week, the Capitol Building has been decorated to look like a giant circus tent.
As soon as congressional maintenance staff heard that the impeachment hearings were going to begin, they went into storage and got out “the Big Top,” also used during the Kavanaugh hearings last year.
by Karl Denninger, Market Ticker:
Howard Schultz already demonstrated he was outrageously stupid during the last Presidential Campaign Season by inserting a public company into the debate about who should win the Presidential election — thereby guaranteeing that he would******off half the people of the country.
But what’s happened now may actually destroy Starbucks entirely.
Recently, as I’m sure you’re aware, there have been a couple of high-profile screamfest incidents relating to people being turned away from the bathrooms because they’re non-customers — or believed to be non-customers. Both of the recent high-profile incidents involved people who are black.