Stephen Miller Uses Sock Puppets To Explain Constitution To White House Press Corps

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February 23, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After some confusion among the White House press corps over how the executive branch operates, White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy Stephen Miller helpfully stepped in with a pair of sock puppets to explain how the Constitution works.

“Let’s all use our listening ears, class,” began Stephen Miller as he gestured with a sock puppet. “I’m glad for the opportunity for a brief civics lesson with you and to help you all understand at your level, I’ve brought in Constitutional Connor and Silly Socko.”

“Zoinks! I just lost my job at the Social Security Administration and that makes me really sad… and MAD,” began puppet Silly Socko on the verge of puppet tears. “And it’s all because of ELON MUSK, who wasn’t even ELECTED!”

Biden Deploys 1,500 Troops At Border To Help Register New Voters

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May 4, 2023

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from The Babylon Bee:

EL PASO, TX — Amid a mounting surge of illegal immigration, the Biden Administration is sending 1,500 National Guard troops to the border to help them register to vote.

“Yes, the people who tell me what to do all the time told me this is needed,” said Biden to an ice cream cone. “And If I don’t do what they tell me I don’t get any snacks! No, that’s no joke! Seriously, someone help me! Where am I?”

Reporter Who Asked Kamala A Question Charged With Hate Crime

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August 27, 2024

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from The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The presidential race took a sobering turn this morning, as a reporter who asked Vice President Kamala Harris a question was arrested and charged with committing a hate crime.

The incident occurred during a brief campaign stop in which Harris and her running mate, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, visited a local deli that had been evacuated and repopulated with fake employees and campaign staff posing as customers. A stunned silence spread throughout the shop after a reporter from the press pool traveling with the Harris campaign asked her a question.

Trudeau Swears This Black Stuff On His Face Is From The Wildfire Smoke

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June 9, 2023

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from The Babylon Bee:

OTTAWA — Canadian PM Justin Trudeau is once again finding himself at the center of controversy after he made an appearance in what appeared to be blackface again. Trudeau maintains, however, that the black pigment on his face is just ash from all the wildfire smoke.

“Stop laughing, guys, this is just ashes and stuff! I definitely didn’t spread a large amount of it on my face in solidarity with BIPOC men and womxn,” said the stammering Prime Minister. “I would never do something like that, because I’m not a racist. I’m an anti-racist. Word to your mother.”

Here’s How We Know It’s Real

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July 17, 2023

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from Mark Dice:

TRUTH LIVES on at https://sgtreport.tv/

Hollywood Confused By New Movie That Depicts Child Sex Trafficking As Bad

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July 11, 2023

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from The Babylon Bee:

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Hollywood critics, actors, and producers are reportedly confused by Sound of Freedom, an action thriller produced by Angel Studios and starring Jim Caviezel, because it depicts child sex trafficking as a bad thing.

According to sources among the nation’s entertainment elite, Hollywood insiders had been excited to learn there was a film coming out about sex trafficking but were then disappointed when they found out it’s depicted as a negative thing in the film. Critics have been giving the film poor reviews, citing the filmmakers’ “baffling” decision to take a stance against the practice, with The New York Times slamming the movie for “not having enough kink.”

Is This a Joke?

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July 23, 2024

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from Mark Dice:

TRUTH LIVES on at https://sgtreport.tv/

CHARLIZE THERON PHYSICALLY THREATENS ANYONE STOPPING DEGENERATES GROOMING KIDS

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May 11, 2023

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from The Salty Cracker:

TRUTH LIVES on at https://sgtreport.tv/

Country Music Industry Confused By Man Actually From Country Making Actual Music

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August 17, 2023

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from The Babylon Bee:

NASHVILLE, TN — Sources at the major country music record labels confirmed Monday that they were “baffled” and “nonplussed” by a new country music artist who is “get this – from the actual country and making actual music.”

Record executives said the “bizarre” style of country music, in which someone writes, performs, and records songs of actual quality about topics germane to people living in the actual country, “doesn’t really speak to them” and is “pretty confusing.”

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

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December 23, 2023

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from Mark Dice:

TRUTH LIVES on at https://sgtreport.tv/

Uh-Oh: Vials Of Mysterious Substance At Wuhan Lab Labeled ‘Save For 2024 Election’

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September 7, 2023

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from The Babylon Bee:

WUHAN – Well, this can’t be good: an investigative journalist – a real one, not a “journalist” who complains about pronouns in videogames on Twitter – managed to infiltrate the Wuhan Institute of Virology. What they saw concerned them: for one thing, there appeared to be multiple vials of a mysterious substance, all of them labeled “Save for 2024 election.”

Trudeau Attempts To Distract From Nazi Controversy By Growing Cool New Mustache

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September 27, 2023

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from The Babylon Bee:

OTTAWA — After an embarrassing incident in which the Canadian government honored a Nazi SS veteran in parliament, Canada’s dictator Justin Trudeau attempted to distract from the controversy by unveiling some cool new facial hair.

“If there’s anything that has been a real asset to me in my career, it’s my beautiful Cuban hair,” said Trudeau to official state media reporters. “Canadians will swoon when they see my sexy new mustache and all will be forgiven! Wenn du wie die Sonne strahlen willst, musst du zuerst so brennen!”