Sunday, September 22, 2019

What Happened?


from Mark Dice:

Insane Guy Shouting He’ll Buy Back Your Stuff With Your Own Money Becomes Popular Democratic Candidate


from The Babylon Bee:

TROUTDALE, MI—An insane man who is known for stumbling through the streets of Troutdale shouting at people that he’ll buy back things from them that he never owned after he takes money from them that he does not possess has become one of the leading candidates in the 2020 presidential election.

Virginia Democrats Publicly Thank Jussie Smollett For Taking All The Attention Away From Them


from The Babylon Bee:

RICHMOND, VA—Virginia Democrats are breathing a sigh of relief, as the Jussie Smollett hoax has taken the media’s eye off of their political trainwreck, sources confirmed today.

Both Governor Ralph Northam and the state’s attorney general had drawn ire for racist photographs and blackface, while Lieutenant Governor Justin Fairfax has been facing a number of sexual assault scandals. The governor had also caused controversy with statements that appeared to support infanticide.

The NFL Goes Full Libtard


from Mark Dice:

Twitter To Display Warning Before You Compare Something To A Concentration Camp


from The Babylon Bee:

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a new feature rolling out to users today, Twitter is going to begin issuing a warning before you compare something to a concentration camp from Nazi Germany.

“It looks like you’re trying to compare something to a concentration camp,” the warning reads. “This is probably a terrible idea. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

Jussie Smollett Offered Job At CNN After Fabricating News Story Out Of Thin Air


from The Babylon Bee:

ATLANTA, GA—While Empire actor Jussie Smollett has been having a tough week so far, there appears to be a silver lining: cable news channel CNN has offered Smollett a job as an investigative reporter and on-air anchor after witnessing his skills at fabricating a story entirely out of thin air.

Google Deploys Squads Of Firemen To Burn Offensive Books, Videos, Websites


from The Babylon Bee:

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—It looks like Google is adding hundreds of jobs to Silicon Valley, as its newly opened book-burning division is looking to hire firemen.

These firemen don’t put out fires, but rather, they destroy books, videos, information, and anything else that contradicts a far-left worldview. They utilize fire at 451 degrees Fahrenheit. Google’s robotics division has also reportedly developed a Mechanical Hound designed to sniff out resistance to its totalitarian destruction of offensive content.

Snopes Rolls Out New Opinion Check Feature


from The Babylon Bee:

U.S.—Snopes has rolled out a helpful new feature: an opinion checker.

Alongside the site’s helpful fact checks of satirical articles and debunking of urban legends, there will now be a section of the site dedicated to checking out opinions and letting you know which ones are acceptable to hold.



by Jim Quinn, The Burning Platform:

Via Starfcker

Just one more thing on ObamaCare Repeal.

Since only 8 million people have ObamaCare,how will 24 million people
die if it is repealed? Will 16 million people be randomly shot?

Just one more thing on Donald Trump.

If Donald Trump deleted all of his emails,wiped his server with
Bleachbit and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the
Mainstream Media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare
him innocent?

Just one more thing on equal pay.

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to
do the same job for more money?



Just one more thing on Sanctuary Cities.

If you rob a bank in a Sanctuary City, is it illegal or is it just an
Undocumented Withdraw?

Just one more thing on ISIS.

Each ISIS attack now is a reaction to Trump policies, but all ISIS
attacks during Obama’s term were due to Climate Change and a plea for jobs.

Just one more thing on the London ‘Lone Wolf’ terror attack.

After the London ‘Lone Wolf’ terrorist attack government officials
have arrested at least eight other ‘Lone Wolves’ who had conspired
with the original ‘Lone Wolf’ in planning the ‘Lone Wolf’ attack.
Even though all involved are Muslims, you can be assured, the ‘Lone
Wolf; attack has nothing at all to do with Islam, just like the other
1000 plus ‘Lone Wolf’ attacks by Muslims, are completely unassociated
with Islam.

Just one more thing on Entitlements.

We should stop calling them all ‘Entitlements’.
Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, ad nauseum are not entitlements. They are
taxpayer-funded handouts, and shouldn’t be called entitlements at all.
Social Security and Veterans Benefits are Entitlements because the
people receiving them are entitled to them. They were earned and paid
for by the recipients.

Just one more thing on the Muslim Refugees.

If Muslims want to run away from a Muslim country, does that mean
they’re Islamophobic?

Just one more thing on The Women’s March.

If Liberals don’t believe in biological gender then why did they march
for women’s rights?

Just one more thing on the Russians hacking the election.

How did the Russians get Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC to steal
the Primary from Bernie Sanders? How did Russia get Donna Brazile to
leak debate questions to Hillary Clinton in advance of the debates?

Just one more thing on Democrats and the Electoral College.

Why is it that Democrats think Super delegates are fine, but they have
a problem with the Electoral College?

Just one more thing on the FBI and elections.

If you don’t want the FBI involved in elections, don’t nominate
someone who’s being investigated by the FBI.

Just one more thing on Hillary’s speeches.

If Hillary’s speeches cost $250,000 an hour, how come no one shows up
to her free ones?

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