Monday, August 8, 2022

After Chauvin Verdict, BLM Volunteers To Rebuild Minneapolis, Return All Looted Items

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from The Babylon Bee:

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—BLM organizers celebrated the verdict of the Chauvin trial this week. In a touching and healing gesture, they have offered to rebuild the wreckage of Minneapolis and return all looted items back to their owners.

“We did what we came to do,” said one BLM organizer. “Now we have achieved perfect justice and our work here is completed. We are looking forward to being a part of reconciliation and healing moving forward.”

In Mail-In Impeachment Vote, Senate Convicts Trump 8275 To 3

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from The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a historic move, the U.S. Senate decided to switch to voting by mail for Trump’s second impeachment trial. After all the votes were counted by an intern in a back room with no cameras, the Senate ruled to convict President Trump of incitement to violence by a vote of 8275 to 3.

“Our holy democracy has spoken,” said Senator Chuck Schumer. “Do not ask any questions or you are a blasphemer against the sacred sacredness of our vote. Everyone can go home now!”

ALREADY?

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from Mark Dice:

TRUTH LIVES on at https://sgtreport.tv/

Would the government let Jesus cure cancer?

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by Jon Rappoport, No More Fake News:

In the 1990s, I watched a federal trial in a Los Angeles courtroom. The defendant was charged with selling medical drugs without a license to practice medicine.

The defendant was prepared to argue that a) the substance he was selling was naturally produced in the body and b) it was effective.

The prosecution moved to exclude such testimony, on the grounds that it was irrelevant.

The judge agreed. Therefore, the trial was nasty, brutish, and short. The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to prison for several years.

Rocket Scientist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

from Mark Dice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtGJgu5t5mc

University Of Oxford Reports Vaccine Trial #666 Was Successful

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from The Babylon Bee:

OXFORD—A research team at the University of Oxford announced today that after 665 failed trials of a vaccine for the coronavirus, trial number 666 was successful. Trial #666, codenamed “The Beast,” provoked the desired immune system response researchers have been searching for.

“This vaccine will stop humanity–er, I mean, coronavirus in its tracks,” the head researcher on the vaccine project, Dr. Lucy Ferre, said at a press conference this morning. “We can get through these several years of tribulation together as long as we all take the mar–I mean, the vaccine.”

PragerU and The Blaze Go FULL WOKE!

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from Mark Dice:

TRUTH LIVES on at https://sgtreport.tv/

Pro Tip: Skip Out On Black Friday Deals And Just Hold Out For The Next Peaceful Protest

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from The Babylon Bee:

A lot of people have been emailing us asking what our best tips for getting great deals on Black Friday are. We don’t blame them, because we are the best source for real news and life advice. Well, we have one great tip this year for Black Friday: skip out on the deals entirely, and just wait a few weeks for the next peaceful protest. One is bound to pop up before Christmas. You’ll really be kicking yourself if you spend $300 on a TV today, only for it to be 100% off the next time there is something to protest in the name of social justice or whatever.

Guess Who’s Back!

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from Mark Dice:

TRUTH LIVES on at https://sgtreport.tv/

This is só good!

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Resurrected Che Guevara Announces 2020 Run, Democrats Quickly Criticize As ‘Too Moderate’

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from The Babylon Bee:

SANTA CLARA, CUBA—Is Marxist revolutionary Che Guevara too moderate for a 2020 run as a Democrat?

That’s the question the left is asking after Guevara was resurrected by a leftist political action committee, Marxists for Equality, Socialism, and Stalinism. MESS activists arrived in Santa Clara earlier this week and summoned Guevara’s spirit back from the dead using dark, demonic rituals, which are well-known to many Democrats. MESS then hastily photoshopped a birth certificate for Zombie Guevara so he would be eligible to run for president of the United States.