from The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference this morning, interim DC Police Chief Ashan Benedict said that while they have top investigators on the case, they may never know exactly who left a bag of cocaine labeled “Property of H. Biden” in the White House while Hunter Biden was there.

“Listen, this is a difficult case to solve,” said Benedict to reporters. “The initial ‘H’ could be anyone. Hank, Herman, Harry… the possibilities are endless. We will do our best to solve this, but we need the American people to know that this extraordinarily difficult case might just be unsolvable forever.”