Weekend Parting Shot: Cocaine Raccoons

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by Lincoln Brown, PJ Media:

Happy Labor Day, Dear Readers.

While you are all off getting in one last day of camping, boating, ATV-riding, barbecuing, parade watching, or what-have-you, your humble correspondent will be re-roofing a chicken coop. As it turns out, the little monsters can be much more destructive than people think. They have torn the asphalt covering on their roof to shreds. Come to think of it, I saw one kill and eat a mole once. I can see where they may well be descended from dinosaurs.

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So I negotiated for a damaged pack of roofing shingles from the local hardware store, and there’s my day shot. It was either that or buying a new coop. I’m not that fond of them, and if they don’t start upping production, I’m going to change their names to Barbecue, Extra Crispy, Original Recipe, and Boneless.

At least my chances of falling off a ladder are nil. Probably. Have a cold one, and think of me.

Cocaine Racoons

Did you know that raccoon attacks are on the rise in Portland, Ore.? No, seriously: the number of, shall we say, negative interactions between raccoons and people is on the uptick. No, they have not joined some leftist militia, and to my knowledge, they are not holding protests, breaking windows, setting fires, shooting guns, or spray painting graffiti on buildings. At least not yet, anyway. And, I hasten to add, we are talking about actual raccoons here, not people who have decided to identify as raccoons. Although, there may be a few of those kicking around Portland. In fact. I’d bet money on it.

The crisis came to my attention via an article in the Oregon Catalyst that also presented video evidence:

(Note: The first woman’s reaction is NSFW.)

The author of the article has an interesting theory. Namely, that the raccoons are hopped up on narcotics. The author notes that Portland sports a plethora of abandoned and damaged buildings due to rising taxes that ran off business owners, the many riots that have plagued the city, and homeless squatters. And, might I add, crime. The point is also made that Portland sports mile after mile of homeless encampments, which are chock full of the very types of goodies that raccoons love and plenty of places in which the little beggars would like to rummage. AND, since Portland has, among its long train of addle-brained and noddle-headed decisions, decriminalized cocaine, there are plenty of leftover drugs for the raccoons to sample.

Sounds legit to me. If anyone has a better hypothesis, I’d love to hear it.

Related: Weekend Parting Shot: The Latest Entry Into the Presidential Race. Plus: Activities Page!

Wine Recommendation: I know Labor Day weekend is for beer, but there’s always Tuesday to think about.

How do I select the wine I want to review? It’s a simple formula. I look for a wine I haven’t tried. If it isn’t in a box or a can, and I won’t have to mortgage an internal organ to buy the bottle, I’ll give it a shot. And staying with the request for more white wines, I selected the 2022 Kunde Sonoma County Magnolia Lane Sauvignon Blanc. I’ll be back hunting for reds next week.

This is a very nice wine. There, I’m done. It’s a holiday weekend, and I’m knocking off early.

I kid, I kid!

This wine starts with a bouquet that evokes melon and that carries over into the taste. There is also a bit of lemon and some pineapple. I even detected a little pear and yes, straight-up grape. The sweetness and acidity manage to meet in the middle for a crisp and light drinking experience. It finishes up high in the sinuses and on the sides of the tongue. The aftertaste is a little tart, but not so much that it will put you off the flavor. This would be a great appetizer wine to go along with some tangy cheeses. The winery suggests fresh oysters or something spicy. Personally, even if you are doing burgers, dogs, and beer you might want to match this up with a platter of shrimp on ice for a starter. This would be the perfect end-of-summer wine, especially when chilled to about 45 to 50 degrees.

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