by Kurt Schlichter, Townhall:
Look, I don’t want to shock you, but I think that our alleged President is senile. Really. Hear me out. Now look, I understand that the regime media teaches that he is a vigorous go-getter taking the lead on important issues and making America safer, more prosperous, and more equitable, but I’m concerned, folks. Maybe I’m off base, but I’m having doubts. I think the evidence is increasingly clear that he’s a senile old pervert who showered with his daughter, as well as a neo-communist serial liar whose inability to tell the truth is matched only by his grubby corruption. Other than that, he’s fine.
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And I am glad he’s the Democrat nominee for President. I believe he’s going to hold onto that office with his bony claws right up through election day. And I think he has a substantial chance of losing to Donald Trump. I didn’t use to, but I’m happy to say America is waking up. Voters can’t ignore Grandpa Badfinger’s failures and foolishness any longer.
The people purportedly helping him are actually hurting him, which is great to watch. I particularly loved when he decided to tell the world that cannibals consumed Uncle Bosie. Now, let me say that again because I want to ensure you got it. The alleged President of the United States looked at the camera and told America that cannibals ate his uncle.
Cannibals did not eat his uncle.
And you would think that this bizarre lie about his uncle being an hors d’oeuvre would’ve been enough, but in the same series of incoherent sentences, he also managed to confuse Pearl Harbor with D-Day, get the day of the week wrong, and draw in Beau Biden’s death, which now occurred in action in Iraq, or Afghanistan, or wherever else it is useful for him to claim it happened. At least he left out his classic lie that the other driver in the accident that killed his first wife was drunk. This milking the death of relatives thing has become a habit.
He told this particular set of lies in the course of slandering Trump about the troops. Honest Joe was reviving that old “losers and suckers” lie that all of us veterans recognize as a lie. Joe Biden’s not a veteran. That’s because of another lie. Whatever happened to that asthma that kept our Commander-in-Crusty out of ‘Nam anyway? Was a stammer enough to get a deferment, too?
There I go, picking on him because of his stammer. Oh, and his senility, lies, corruption, and perversion, but yeah, also his stammer.
And then his handlers had him stagger into a gas station to show how Scranton Joe is a real person who knows how to interact with real people. We saw a bunch of citizens who didn’t even feel obligated to stand up in the presence of the President. That’s the kind of aura of leadership we want – local yokels shrugging at the shuffling zombie coming in for a quick photo op with the swing state rubes before heading back out to the Delaware beach house he bought with Chinese bribes. He didn’t bring Hunter with him, which is probably good because somebody might’ve accidentally got him filching coins out of the take a penny, leave a penny tray. Of course, had that happened, the regime media would not have run it. They did not run the story of Hunter’s perversion-ridden, corruption-filled laptop because that was allegedly Russian disinformation. The First Failson’s peccadillos, of course, are the fault of Putin for reasons, and shut up because you’re a transphobe.
They covered for Joe on Cannibalgate as well. Hilariously, the story about his bizarre I-tied-an-onion-to-my-belt-which-was-the-style-at-the-time ramblings was headlined “Biden is off on details of his uncle’s WWII death as he calls Trump unfit to lead the military.” Falsely claiming that your uncle goy tossed into a boiling pot and consumed by local tribesmen is not messing up some minor detail. Saying something happened in the late morning rather than the early afternoon is a minor detail. Asserting that Dahmerriffic individuals with bones through their noses munched on Uncle Bosie is a major detail. Now, we all appreciate the service of Uncle Bosie, even though he wasn’t the super jet pilot war hero Biden pretends he was to burnish Joe’s own pathetic reputation, but cannibals didn’t eat him, and whatever glory accrues to him does not transfer to his nitwit nephew.
