from The Babylon Bee:
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter is making yet another change to try to improve the user experience. One of the biggest complaints about Twitter is all the toxicity on the platform and how it seems to encourage people to spew venom at each other instead of engaging in constructive dialog. Twitter’s first attempt to fix this was to make avatars round. Now they have a new idea that they hope to be even more successful: Require that every tweet be accompanied by a picture of a puppy.
Imagine every time you log into Twitter, being inundated with pictures of cute, playful puppies,” said Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. “Instead of Twitter showcasing just the worst of humanity, it will now have the best of puppies — interspersed with bile and abuse. But puppies should take up most of the screen.”
Twitter will use machine learning to make sure that the picture uploaded with each tweet is an actual picture of a cute puppy. And it will also make sure it’s an alive puppy, a measure they had to add after President Trump tested out the early beta. So far, it’s been a huge success.
“The other day I tweeted something I thought was pretty innocuous,” said public relations officer Carolyn Jackson, “but then I found my mentions absolutely filled with puppies. I guess I got mobbed. Yes, they said some pretty awful things and tried to get me fired, but look at all those adorable puppies!”
Dorsey told the press they are not done with improvements to Twitter, but when asked about adding an edit button to help with the minor typos that plague the platform, he just stared back as if he couldn’t comprehend what was said. It’s possible he’s deaf.