from The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of a recent surge of train derailments across the United States, emergency crews were being called to the scene of an even larger, more catastrophic train wreck reported at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington, D.C.

“This disaster is exponentially worse than any of the other railway incidents that have occurred in the last few weeks,” said Josh Christophersen, lead investigator on the scene for the National Transportation Safety Board. “The scale, the destruction, the long-lasting damage this one will leave behind…this one really takes the cake. I’m really not even sure how we can clean up after this.”