from The Babylon Bee:
DES MOINES, IA—Authorities are warning that a gang of known criminals is currently holding a meeting to debate various plots to steal your money.
The criminals are debating exactly how much of your money to steal. Some are suggesting stealing all of your money, while others would just like to steal most of your money. Whatever the case, they all agree on two things: A.) you have money and B.) it must be stolen.