from The Babylon Bee:
SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom has instructed detention facilities across California to begin releasing violent felons to make room for skateboarders, surfers, and other people who have committed the heinous crime of going outside.
Thousands of cells have now been freed up for “the dregs of society,” as Newsom referred to people who go to the beach or skate at a skate park. As the felons left the prisons, they laughed at the skaters and surfers entering their previous cells. The skater bros just said, “Dude, not cool” and the surfers said, “Totes not stoked bra, major kook move dude.”