from The Babylon Bee:
U.S.—Somber members of the press offered their thoughts and prayers that someone would start some violence at the gun rights rally in Virginia today.
Reporters expressed their grief and condolences as the violence they hyped has so far failed to materialize.
“Nobody has so much as fired a shot. This is an unbelievable tragedy,” said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter, clearly caught up in the anguish of the moment. “It’s tragic that we live in a country where reporters who are just minding their own business trying to push a narrative can have everything ripped away from them in an instant when protesters refuse to shoot at people.”
A CBS News reporter called for a moment of silence live on the air. “Let’s all take a minute and cry out to a non-specific deity of our choice that any second now, a miraculous shooting would occur.” When it did not occur, she began weeping and gnashing her teeth before ripping her suit jacket in despair. “WHY, GOD, WHY!?!”
One CNN reporter has offered up to $1,000 for anyone who will start some violence to help out the narrative.